Where I Stood
by angie2282
Summary: Post-Island. Claire feels she can no longer be the mother she needs to be for Aaron and runs off, leaving him in Kate's care. She soon finds herself staying with Miles, Richard, and Sawyer, steering towards an unexpected path of redemption.
1. Where I Stood

"You're not my mommy! She is!" Aaron screamed.

Claire flinched and he took the opportunity to wriggle out of her arms and run towards a bewildered Kate.

Claire could feel something inside her shattering, the pressure of one too many cracks finally setting in. Her eyes fell upon the scene before her. Kate held Aaron close to her, whispering into his ear and glancing back at Claire apologetically. She held him confidently, completely sure of herself. There were no signs of hesitation from either her or Aaron. They belonged together.

She however didn't. This wasn't her place.

_I don't know what I've done  
>Or if I like what I've begun<br>But something told me to run  
>And honey you know me it's all or none<em>

Unaware of it, Claire began to back away from the room, shaking. Her stomach was in a knot, throat dry. No words were able to slip out. Instead, her mouth hung open in disbelief.

"Claire." Kate said quietly, shrugging as if this incident meant nothing. As if it weren't further proof of her incompetence to be Aaron's mother. 'Just a bump in the road', she would say.

_There were sounds in my head  
>Little voices whispering<br>That I should go and this should end  
>Oh and I found myself listening<em>

She couldn't do this. She couldn't be a mother anymore. It was no longer her place. She had spent too many years in the jungle, her mental stability slowly slipping away while Kate raised her son. While Kate became the mother Aaron wanted and needed.

Claire turned on her heel and ran for the door.

"Claire!"

_'Cos I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
>All I know is that I should<em>

Claire felt her feet pounding on the gravel outside as she ran, the rain soaking her small figure. For a few moments, she found herself back in the jungle, sprinting away from the Others, the humid air fogging her mind. Kate's desperate cries could be heard from a distance but she didn't care.

_And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
>All I know is that I should<em>

At the moment she hated Kate. She hated everything that she was, with her sympathetic smile and those caring eyes as she sang Aaron to sleep. Singing to _her_ child. Singing _her_ song. She should be grateful but she couldn't find the strength inside her to be. Kate had taken away the only thing she had left and made it hers. Aaron wasn't hers anymore. And while she hated it, hated the whole idea of it, she knew she had to accept it.

_'Cos she will love you more than I could  
>She who dares to stand where I stood<em>

Kate would do much for Aaron than she could. Kate wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night, screaming. Kate wouldn't wince at the sight of peanut butter, Aarons' favorite. Kate wouldn't forget when lunchtime was or how he preferred his bottle.

There was a sudden screech and the distinct sound of a gruff voice yelling at her. Claire fell over on her backside, splashing on the wet concrete. The door of the car in front of her swung open. "You coming in or not, lady?"

Panting, she glanced up and noticed it was a taxi. Her heart started thumping. "I…y-yes."

Propping herself up, Claire slid into the comfy taxi and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Where to?" he grunted.

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
>You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all<em>

"Um…" her voice quavered. "T-The airport."

_But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
>This is what I have to do<em>

Her head dipped to the side, against the cool window and tears began sliding down her cheek. She loved Aaron so much. On those days when everything seemed hopeless and lost, she would picture the times that she would hold him tightly against her or when Sawyer and Charlie would speak to him comfortingly. The thought brought on a fresh set of tears.

She had to do this for him. All she ever wanted for him was the best and this was it. Kate was the best. Not a woman who twitched at any sign of movement. It had been a whole month since they had departed from the island. A whole month worth of incidents. Aaron's yells, Kate's apologies, and her own whimpers rang in her ears.

She chuckled darkly at the irony of it all. Three years looking for Aaron and it took just one month for her to break down, to finally decide to leave. Maybe she was just looking for an easy way out. Perhaps she wasn't being as selfless as she thought. Wiping her eyes, Claire glimpsed through the window at the rainy sky. The dark clouds swayed and wisped and she quickly had to look away. It was resembled smoke too much for her taste.

**Author's Note: So if you felt this was too OOC for anyone let me know. Constructive criticism is accepted. **

**This will be continued. It will evolve into a look into the other survivor's lives from Claire's POV. I'd like to thank my friend Becky (sanepsycho-supergoddess) and Sillycritter for encouraging me to continue this. Becky, your empath powers are great. Seriously. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. A New Home

_Claire held tightly to Kate's hand, the only thing at the moment that was rooting her to the spot, keeping her from slipping back into that dark mindset._

_They…they were leaving the island. They were finally leaving._

_And she wasn't entirely sure how she felt._

_There was a sense of freedom. After three years, trekking around the jungle and fighting to survive, she somewhat welcomed a new change. She needed to leave and start over. Escape the place that had driven her insane. There was fear. As much as she may want to leave the island, she couldn't be sure that life off of it would be better. What if Aaron wouldn't accept her as his mother? What if they were all forced to live a lie? What if she never got better? Lastly, there was melancholy. She could spend a day listing the things she hated about the island but she could also spend a week recalling some of the best memories of her life, all of which took place on that wretched yet wonderful piece of rock._

_Richard sat with a bemused expression, breathing shallowly. After all those years of being tied to the island he was finally leaving. He was leaving behind his whole life's work to pursue a new life. It was incredible and he knew it, his eyes expectant, as if he couldn't believe what was happening and that obviously the plane had to crash any minute now._

_Miles was unreadable. He was smiling but there was also something else to it. Regret? Sadness? She couldn't really tell._

_Sawyer was numb. Utterly numb. Claire could tell because she had been him for a long time. There was no sense of…anything from him. He didn't look happy or excited or even regretful. He just sat there, completely closed off from the world, drowning in his own baggage._

_Kate was looking away from her but Claire didn't need to see her face to know what she was feeling. Kate was a fighter. She was probably going over everything that had happened, refusing to believe it had. Trying to focus rather on the matter at hand than the past._

_"We're out, folks." Lapidus's voice boomed from the front._

_Almost instantly, everyone on board shifted to look out their window, to bid farewell to the island._

_Claire couldn't do it. She suddenly felt extremely fragile. If she as so much glimpsed out the window, she would crumble into millions of jagged little pieces. Already she could feel a tight ball of emotions forming against her chest. To look was to unlock painful memories that she had fought to conceal. To unlock these memories was to break. To break was to give up what little sanity she had reserved for Aaron._

_"Claire…" Kate's voice broke into her internal struggle. She had noticed Claire staring intently ahead._

_"Claire…we're leaving. Don't you want to say goodbye?"_

_Claire shook her head, suddenly interested in the tear on the seat in front of her._

_"Don't you want to say goodbye to Charlie?"_

_Claire's heart skipped a beat. Charlie. Poor Charlie. Floating around somewhere in the ocean, forgotten. Alone._

_Her head whipped to the side instinctively and the first thing that her eyes met with was the deep ocean blue. Somewhere underneath, was the man with whom she had shared imaginary peanut butter. Then her eyes shifted to the side, to where the island itself was, and the effect was instantaneous; a flood of memories rushed through her mind and tears started to stream down her cheeks._

_She felt Kate throw a comforting arm around her as she too began tearing up. Claire could hear several other sniffles but she couldn't bear to move and see who else was mourning. Instead, she sat there, frozen, as all her pent up emotions spilled out._

_Goodbye._

"Claire?"

Her head shot up and she saw Richard Alpert himself looking at her with concern.

They were at the airport terminal. The only people it had occurred to her to call were Miles, Sawyer, and Richard who had been living together since their return to the mainland. The only ones she had left. Richard had been the one to answer her teary phone call and had agreed to pick her up at the airport.

Claire was secretly glad that it had been Richard who had answered. She had known Sawyer the longest, but he was sure to ask questions and mention Kate (the absolute last person she wanted to hear about at the moment). As for Miles…she didn't know him. She didn't know what to expect from him if he would've answered. Richard, she trusted.

It had been during her years of isolation when she had admittedly, been picking off Others for a while. Deep in the jungle, she had come upon a small group of them accidentally. Not the best of situations considering she was vastly outnumbered. They had immediately recognized her as the crazy castaway who had been killing their people at random. Various guns had been cocked instantly.

But Richard, their leader at the time, had intervened. He had coaxed her into putting down her gun (which really wasn't a threat against their twenty or so) and assured her that if she walked away, no harm would come to her. Bewildered and untrusting, she had stood there for a good ten minutes, staring at him. He had stared right back, calmly.

Eventually, realizing that there was no point, she had backed away slowly into the dense jungle growth. Claire had never understood why Richard had spared her life when she had taken the lives of so many of his people. Even during her freak out at the beach, he had calmly approached the situation. If there was one thing she could count on Richard for, it was to help not hurt.

"Hi, thanks for picking me up." She said throatily. She was still wet and cold from the pouring rain.

"No problem," he assured her. Taking a look around, he noticed the absence of any luggage. "Aren't you bringing anything?"

She shook her head dismally. Richard didn't say a word but took off the jacket he had been wearing and handed it to her. She thanked him with a faltering smile and followed him to his car.

* * *

><p>"You mind if I ask why you need a place to stay?" Richard asked.<p>

Rain splashed violently onto the windshield as the car raced along the empty streets.

Claire, who sat next to him in the passenger seat, sighed. "I left Aaron and Kate."

Richard took his eyes off the road for a second to glance her way. He didn't comment though.

Claire looked through the foggy window and saw her own reflection. She still looked a mess. Ever since leaving the island, her eyes still hadn't lost their flickering touch of paranoia. Her small frame was rigid and cold. Her voice was throaty and constantly seemed to be questioning everyone. Even her hair still had a wild streak to it, forever bushy and untamed. She looked nothing at all like she did before. Sweet, innocent, lovely Claire was gone, replaced by a shell of her former self.

"I can't…I can't go back. I'm not me anymore." She said quietly, her voice cracking.

Richard didn't say anything for what felt like an eternity. "Well we're just going to have to fix that." He said nonchalantly.

A few minutes later they pulled up into the driveway of a large three-story home. The lights were on and Claire guessed that Sawyer and/or Miles were home.

"Home sweet home." Richard said with a bright smile. He opened Claire's door for her and they both raced under the harsh rain up to the door. After struggling to fish the keys out of his pocket, Richard unlocked the door and they walked into the warm home.

For a house with three men as their inhabitants, it was pretty neat. There was no outstanding furnishing or anything that really set the house apart but it was big and plain and welcomed one in invitingly. A delicious aroma coming from the kitchen wafted in the air. Richard took his damp jacket from her and led her to the kitchen.

Sawyer sat on a bar stool, reading with a new pair of glasses and Miles was the one behind the food, flipping burgers and mixing some weird soup.

"Alpert where the hell have you bee-" Miles stopped when he saw Claire.

"Claire."

Sawyer looked up from his book, confused. "Claire? What are you-" He also stopped short at the sight of her.

There was an awkward silence. Claire's stomach churned. "Hey…" she greeted weakly.

Again, nothing.

"Claire's going to be staying with us now." Richard announced.

Sawyer immediately opened his mouth but stopped when Richard help up an authoritative hand. "Let's leave the questions for later. So Miles, what's for dinner?"

**Author's Note: And there you go. I'm really excited about this fic so I'm looking forward to feedback of any kind. Is it too stiff or boring? OOC for anyone? Anything you would like to read? Let me know! Thanks for the reviews and for reading :)**


	3. Et tu, Brute?

Claire ate rather numbly, refusing to look up from her plate of cheeseburgers. She couldn't stand to look anyone in the eyes, to see their confusion or uneasiness. Richard had tried his best to keep up a conversation but Sawyer and Miles always seemed to trail off and stare at her.

There was a clatter as someone dropped their fork. "All right," Sawyer spoke up. "Enough with the freaking dramatics, Richard what the hell is she doing here?"

"James-"

"Don't 'James me', Claire what are you doing here? Where's Aaron? Where's Kate?"

At _her_ name, Claire dropped her utensils and glared up at Sawyer with such intensity that he actually flinched.

"She's with Aaron, remember the baby she stole from me? Yeah, I left them together, the way it's supposed to be." She replied coldly.

Sawyer took a minute to recover from this before saying, "Kate didn't steal Aaron from you she took him when you disappeared into the jungle in the middle of the night."

"The smoke monster infected me! I didn't have a choice! Do you think I wanted to leave him? But none of that matters anymore Kate's his mother now. I'm no one."

"Kate didn't have a choice either she had to raise him-"

"Oh save me the speech on how wonderful Kate is. And considering how she played you and Jack like a pair of violins you would think your respect of her would've been knocked down a notch." Claire snapped.

Claire was surprised by the ferocity of her words and apparently so was everyone else as they fell silent, their eyes boring into hers.

"Get out of my house." Sawyer growled. "Get out of my house now."

"Now James-" Richard started.

"No! I don't need this, especially not now."

"With all due respect James, I do believe this is Miles's house. He paid for it."

All eyes turned to Miles who found himself extremely uncomfortable to suddenly be put on the spot. His eyes met Claire's.

She had never thought much of Miles. She had always regarded him with suspicion after the freighter team's arrival. Even after he had accompanied her and Sawyer during their trek through the jungle, she had still really just kept him at arms-length, even putting down his offer to help her with Aaron. And so, she wasn't betting on him to help her out here especially since he was such close with Sawyer. In fact, she got to her feet, ready to head back out when-

"I think Claire should stay." He said, shrugging slightly.

Claire was shocked, Richard was relieved, and Sawyer looked downright furious.

"Et tu, Brute?" he hissed. And with that, he slammed down his napkin and stalked out of the room.

Claire suddenly felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She had to learn to exercise the control she had lost in her time alone in the jungle. Even if it wasn't technically Sawyer's house, he had been here longer than her. He had much more right to it than she did, and to go pissing him off wasn't the best of ideas.

Richard stood up, clapping his hands. "Well, I'm going to go see if the guest bedroom is ready for you, Claire." He too left the room. Claire found herself alone with Miles, who took to stuffing his mouth as a distraction.

She took a deep breath and looked up at him, mustering a weak smile. "Thank you."

Miles looked at her sincere expression and swallowed down the burger hurriedly. "No problem." He choked out.

They ate in silence for a couple of more minutes.

"You know," Miles began "I've still got plenty of money left over from pawning off those diamonds so if you're planning on staying long-term maybe you can go shopping one of these days to furnish the room or whatever…" he trailed off, turning slightly red and looking down.

Claire was taken aback. She _had_ underestimated Miles. "Thank you…that would be nice." She nodded, uncomfortable.

"Right," said Miles, standing up. "I'm going to head to bed," he walked over to the doorway and stopped. "You're not as sweet as you used to be." He stated rather abruptly.

Claire looked at him.

"It's kinda nice."

And he walked away.

* * *

><p><em>"We're going to have to run, folks."<em>

_It was already dark outside as the plane neared an almost empty airstrip that Frank had picked out._

_Everyone on board was still reveling in the recent trauma and only barely acknowledged this statement._

_"What do you mean, Lapidus?" Miles called out tiredly._

_"I mean we're about to land in a plane that's supposed to have crashed, with only six passengers, three of whom are supposed to be dead. There's bound to be some tough questions. Once we land, there could be cops tailing us. We're going to have to run for it. There's a strip of land to the right of where we're going to land. That's where we're going to head for. If we make it, in about half an hour or so we should be deep into L.A and will have hopefully lost anyone who's following us. Is everyone all right with this?"_

_Running away from enemies wasn't particularly new to any of them. They all agreed half-heartedly and prepared themselves for the impact of landing._

_Claire bit her lip, looking out into the flashing lights of the city below. Los Angeles. Their original destination on Oceanic Flight 815. She smiled wryly at the irony. This was it, aside from the multitude of tears the flight had gone without incident. No crash, no bumps, no nothing. It was meant to be. She gripped the arm of her seat and closed her eyes…_

_..._

_"Claire! We've landed! Come on!" Kate's frantic whispers rang in her ears. Claire jolted up in her seat and took Kate's hand. Everyone else was already preparing to get off. Flashing lights and whistles could be hears from afar. They all looked around at each other as Lapidus pushed open the door. There was a sense of 'every man for himself' in the air as authorities could be heard racing towards them._

_"No," Lapidus breathed. "We've been through too much crap together to just throw it all away now. We all need each other, whether we like it or not."_

_They all eyed each other warily, agreeing._

_"LET'S GO!"_

_And they ran. They all ran as fast as humanely possible, sweat dripping down their foreheads, their legs burning with the intensity of their sprinting._

_Claire felt herself lagging behind with the likes of Frank. She had never been a particularly fast runner too…dainty not very limber. She had improved somewhat during her time alone. She had learned how to maneuver herself correctly through the thick underbrush and how to catch up with any escaping Others but it still wasn't her strong suit. She was still nowhere as fast as Sawyer or Kate who lead the group, their hair flying behind them. Her hand had slipped away from Kate's a while back and she was now pumping her arms furiously, struggling to keep up. She could hear indignant cries and loud whistles from afar but she couldn't give in. She had to run. She had to run for Aaron. She had to run for Charlie who had given his life up for her to be able to escape the island. But most of all, she had to do this for herself._

_Their feet pounded against the familiar dirt and grass and they all disappeared into the darkness._

**Author's Note: If anyone has any particular requests on what they would like in the fic, suggestions, etc. make sure to let me know :) Thanks for reading!**


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